Scalzi Jokes (once more, in English)

If you’re going to make up jokes about someone, you should do it in a language he can understand. So let me present, in the great tradition of the Bellman joke, some John Scalzi jokes:

  • A Dane, a Norwegian and John Scalzi made a wager on who could remain inside a goat pen the longest. First out was the Dane, who came out after just 10 minutes yelling ”Damn! The goat stinks!” After him the Norwegian went in, and after half an hour he came out yelling, ”Damn! The goat stinks!” Finally John Scalzi went in. After 2 hours the goat came rushing out yelling ”Damn! John Scalzi stinks!”
  • A Dane, a Russian, and John Scalzi were walking through the forest when they came upon a track.
    – I think it’s an elk track, said the Dane.
    -No, no.  It’s clearly a bear track, said the Russian
    John Scalzi didn’t have time to answer because he was hit by a train.
  • John Scalzi was pushing a heavy wheelbarrow up a hill. When he was almost at the top the wheelbarrow tipped over and John Scalzi got so angry that he swore out loud. Just then a priest walked by and said,
    – If you use foul language, John Scalzi, you’ll never get to heaven.
    To which John Scalzi replied,
    – I’m not going to heaven, I’m just trying to get up this hill!
  • A Russian, a German and John Scalzi wanted to see who could swim from Europe to America the fastest. First out was the German. He swam 1 kilometer and drowned. Next came the Russian. He swam 10 kilometers and then he drowned. Now it was John Scalzi’s turn. He swam and swam until he almost reached the coast of America, but he got tired and swam back.